The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
