Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
