He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
