Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
