My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
