Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
