dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
