Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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