Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
