I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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