I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
