your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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