Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.