Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.

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  (914): he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped. http://tfl.nu/0vpq
  Replies (5) Good night (3413) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?

  (949): View more from California

  Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.

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  (951): Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn? (949): Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER. http://tfl.nu/x4x0
  Replies (29) Good night (980) Bad night (3771)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.

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  (248): Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up. http://tfl.nu/qfvl
  Replies (16) Good night (742) Bad night (1631)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

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  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (157) Good night (31292) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...

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  (910): Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table... http://tfl.nu/b55w
  Replies (6) Good night (3537) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.

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  (631): It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself. http://tfl.nu/t99x
  Replies (16) Good night (3415) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was

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  (203): I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was http://tfl.nu/myop
  Replies (17) Good night (1087) Bad night (4413) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life

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  (267): while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life http://tfl.nu/pj1v
  Replies (16) Good night (7560) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract

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  (215): I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract http://tfl.nu/jt8l
  Replies (2) Good night (2251) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel

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  (412): i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel http://tfl.nu/p08s
  Replies (3) Good night (886) Bad night (1601) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.

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  (914): Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls. http://tfl.nu/u1ub
  Replies (5) Good night (2889) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.

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  (209): Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER. http://tfl.nu/edtf
  Replies (10) Good night (780) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5

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  (413): Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5 http://tfl.nu/y1kc
  Replies (9) Good night (939) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.

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  (401): also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part. http://tfl.nu/nmg6
  Replies (9) Good night (564) Bad night (225) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.

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  (954): Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me. http://tfl.nu/26mx
  Replies (3) Good night (709) Bad night (129)

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