i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
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I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
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I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach