My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.