when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
