You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
