dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
