My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
