She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
