i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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