You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
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I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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