is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
