my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
