Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
