I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
