Can i not drive my cunt home
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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