I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
