the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
