Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize