Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
