Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
