How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
