Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
