so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
