I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
soo... how was my night?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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