There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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