his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
