I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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