You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
