Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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