He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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