Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize