Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize