She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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