He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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