Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
