Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
