so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
