I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
