i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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