bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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