i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
