Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
