Will you blow on my dice?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize
