so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
