Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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