The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
