Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
