We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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