her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
