so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
