hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i think my mom watched the whole time
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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