Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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